Why Fighting is Necessary
I don’t condone violence, but I think the idea of fighting in the broader sense is healthy when responsible. I think it’s unrealistic and unhealthy to not stand up for your needs and wants. Here are some points that resonate with me:
- In order to evolve, sometimes people need an ego-check. The saying “I’m going to teach them a lesson” doesn’t have to be done with an a$$ whooping, though that can be gratifying, it can also be done with the right tone and word usage. Sometimes people need a swift kick to the ego-nuts to start to a change. When I say something blunt and honest and I’m able to get through, they may say “thanks, I needed that”. That’s what I am talking about here.
- Real value is only appreciated when you invest yourself. If you aren’t able to fight for what you care about, then it might be time to reevaluate your convictions. You need conviction and confidence to overcome obstacles in life, and when you truly want something, you should get it before it’s too late.
- Fight for your respect. In my early years I moved through life being invisible, and catering to people’s needs while neglecting my own. Living my life as a doormat did not favor my best outcome and it invited abusive relationships and violent encounters.
Fighting People VS Letting People Fight Themselves
When ever I used to try to help someone who doesn’t want any help, I usually end up in an argument that leads to zero change. No one feels heard or understood. In a way I end up fighting myself trying to fit a round peg into the wrong shape. Fighting against someone plus myself is a loosing battle. When you let others fight themselves, you are typically on the winning side, because they have little to push against. All that is needed is for your idea to slide past their guard. It is usually the punch that they are not expecting that knocks them out.
Stop Fighting Yourself
I noticed a couple years ago that I was stuck in many patterns of beating myself up while being stuck in the past or future.
- I’m a big fan of self-reflection, but being stuck in the past would keep me in an emotional trap of competition and judgement. I used to replay scenarios, so that I could insert how I could have done better. Later I realized that I became used to fantasizing about violence. Developing a violent mindset didn’t keep me more safe, in fact it invited more of the same. It was the same battle for self-respect, but I was beating myself up each time. The past can keep you from moving on. I like to resolve them and move on, but it’s hard to move on if you don’t resolve them, because they seem to have a way of lingering without you noticing that they are there.
- I think the future has pros and cons just like the past. The future can give you a place to project your dreams and creative desires, but it can also bring uncertainty, ambiguity, and risk. Anxiety can lead to fear. Scarcity mindset and things getting in the way of your goals can be confused with fear. Living life in anxiety and fear is certainly an ass-kicking experience. Having goals is a great thing, but I think being goal-oriented has some negative trappings to be aware about. Having a goal-orientation can bring comparison, competition, and judgment. These concepts are aggressive and can lead to a violent mindset. It also interferes with living in the present, because when you are chasing goals it is hard to be present with someone.
Living more in the present has allowed me to be more compassionate, vulnerable, and authentic. I don’t have to be burdened by holding onto useless things. If I invest into a process, I can be present and let the goals come to me. It becomes more about a healthy process of things rather than being goal-oriented.
I don’t want my paycheck to be my life, so being more present in my life has led to a healthier mindset. I’m not fighting who I am, because I am who I am in the moment. Not perceived notions of the past and future. When you live too much in the past you limit yourself. When you live too much in the future you can’t truly be.
